ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
