More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize