another moral hangover. fuck.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
