Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
