my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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