She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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