i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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