i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
