You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
