Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
These tits shall not be calmed
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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