I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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