apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
