I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
