there's paper in my vomit.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
