did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
