can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize