Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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