I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
