Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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