Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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