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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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