She is in my trunk
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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