I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize