Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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