Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
