He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I intend to get homeless drunk
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Found your dick twin last night
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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