I feel great
I just peed on a car
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
