i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
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