I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
