i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
