escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
