I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
