I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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