I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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