nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He is an equal opportunity slut.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
