ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I seem to have left my pride at pride
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
