Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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