I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
