Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just cut my nipple shaving
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
