well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
