So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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