I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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