I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Green mimosas i think yes
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
