His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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