I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
