I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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