Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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