i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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