I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
