dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
