somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
