Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
