I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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