i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
