Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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