someone threw a dead crab at me
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
