I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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