hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
