If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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