we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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