PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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