i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
What a dumb baby whore.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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