Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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