Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
