If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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