Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i will never coherently bang her
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
