his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
