My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
