The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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