Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
