I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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