addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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