I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
