She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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